...is this thing on?
It's been a while, I know. A little shy of a year since I've put anything in this space other than a few drafts that were forgotten about months ago. whoopsie.
In truth, I've had an itch to start blogging again for the last few months. As the renewal date on my domain approached, I indecisively weighed whether to pay for this empty space on the internet. Would I let it sit idle again or could I give it a few pumps to the chest and breathe life back into it?
As I mulled over my options, a memory came to the surface--a tiny hope of what I'd always wanted this space to be. Just a blog...about life--MY life--as told through food. A space to write some thoughts and share what's going on, as if you were sitting in my kitchen with me and we were gabbing away like the dearest of friends.
I never set out to teach anyone to bake or to reinvent the chocolate cake, though somewhere along the way, that's what got in my head. I got a little too caught up in what everyone else was doing, and pressured myself into following that script. I got anxious about pageviews and popularity, how to get on the glamorous food sites, and how to make sure my posts were seen. I put way too much pressure on myself to create brand new recipes or adapt existing ones enough to call my own. I got such anxiety about being original that my perfectionism paralyzed me from writing a damn thing.
With my doubts fermenting I was about ready to pull the plug until I came across a post from my lovely friend Kris, who recently returned to blogging after a few important and wonderful changes to her life. Her post resonated with me so much--the embarrassment of abandoning a space I had worked so hard to create, returning to her core values, remembering why she started blogging, and wanting to move forward in an authentic way. Though my life hasn't taken the same path as Kris's, I realized that I've changed a ton since starting this blog too and it didn't feel quite right to keep this thing going without respecting that.
If we're being honest? I started this blog to slough off the academic-writing-voice I'd gleaned from 15 years of penning formulaic essays. I wanted to find my authentic voice and invite that version of me over for a slice of cake.
In the last few years, I've done a lot of work to be completely comfortable with who I am--to love and accept myself, flaws and all. I couldn't have done any of it without this space, where I started to chip away at habits and ideas, and question so much of how I was living life. It was my space to unthink, overthink, and get unstuck. After a bit of reflection, I realized it'd be a disservice to that space, the changes I've made, and to younger me, to uproot everything and leave it behind.
So, with that in mind, I hope to spend a little more time here doing the things that bring me joy--trying to take better pictures of food, sharing links that inspire me, and letting you into my life, one blog post at a time.
In the spirit of inviting younger Kelly to the table for some tea & cake, I'm sharing this chocolate babka I made earlier this week. With its uneven chocolate swirls and a quick wave-hello of cinnamon, it's beautiful and delicious -- imperfections and all.
[get the recipe]