I love getting hand-written cards. If given the choice between an expensive gift or a simple card with a sweet note inside, the note will win out every time. My favorite cards are filled with sweet, honest words of appreciation and love. I'm terrible at accepting compliments face to face, but I can absorb every word with grace and gratitude if it's in writing.
I had never really thought about why I liked getting cards so much until recently. I was decluttering and found a giant box of cards from different friends and coworkers from various stages of my life. At first, I didn't think much of the stack in front of me; I assumed that most would just be signed with a closing and signature and maybe a quick "Thank you!" or "Happy Birthday!" But, as I opened each one, I was surprised to find tens of cards, each with meaningful messages and kind words about my character, personality, temperament and work ethic. By the third or fourth card, I found myself tearing up. It was easy to believe the nice things if they were written by close friends who are still in my life. Praise from former bosses or people who were only in my life for a brief stint made me reconsider the stack of cards in front of me and what they reflected about my own self-worth.
My fear of face-to-face compliments stems from vulnerability, I think. If someone is standing in front of me telling me how beautiful I look, there's nothing standing between me and someone else's truth. To accept that compliment is to accept their words as truth, meaning if I say, "Thank you," I'm acknowledging that I know I'm beautiful. {Even typing that makes me squirm a little with discomfort} That's not to say that written words aren't truth, but having studied literature and writing for so long, I have more of a detachment about words. Unlike verbal compliments, which create pressure to digest them immediately, written words can be interpreted, analyzed and then, if you choose, absorbed, at whatever pace you choose.
On a surface level, I think I kept the cards because I liked to re-read them on days when I needed encouragement. As I read through them recently, I read them out loud for the first time. After one or two cards, I tried something completely different and switched the voice from third person to first. I changed all the you's to I's and was shocked at the difference it made. I took all the detachment out of what I read. I heard someone else's words, in my voice, telling me things I should believe, if I didn't already. They became my words and as I spoke them, I realized that I believed them too {remember what I said about "digesting words at your own pace?"}. If something so powerful could happen by changing around a few pronouns, I wonder what other simple changes I could be making that could radically alter my perspective...
Have you ever made a small change that made a huge difference in your life? What was it and how did it change you for the better?
Looking for more ways to show yourself a little kindness? Check out the Loving Kindness Meditation over on Taking Care of You - it's been a huge help to me this week!