I'm not one to make decisions on the fly or change my life on a whim. I don't often view my life in the big picture and will stay with what's comfortable at the cost of my own happiness rather than rock the boat. Case in point: When I first moved to Pennsylvania, I knew within a week that grad school wasn't for me, but I stayed because I was afraid to break my lease. Silly, I know. Luckily, I made the best of my situation, but looking back, I didn't put my best interests first and by staying, I put myself through a lot of unnecessary stress.
I held that same mentality about most things in my life until very recently. A week and a half ago, I fell in love with the sweetest boy, quit my job and decided to move back to Connecticut.
Meet Jaxon, my brand-new nephew and godson. When I held him for the first time two weeks ago, I fell in love. I've never been one to get ga-ga for babies, but I didn't want to let him go. In that moment, my indecisive, anxious brain experienced the most beautiful flash of clarity. I looked down at his sleeping face and said without hesitation: I'm moving home to Connecticut.
I'd been on the fence about leaving Philly for over a year. When I first moved to the city, I was smitten with the farmers markets and food trucks, restaurants and bikeable streets. But after a year, the new-ness faded. I found myself unhappy and couldn't pinpoint why yet somehow couldn't find a big enough reason to leave either. I was treading water financially, personally and professionally, waiting for some sort of sign to tell me whether to stay or leave.
That sign came in the form of a seven pound, thirteen ounce boy named Jaxon :)
As if the blessing of a nephew wasn't enough, God seemed to line up a few more for me. I'll be working at an amazing cupcake bakery and have the opportunity to do some freelance work. I couldn't ask for a more perfect balance of my interests and a way for me to give them all a test drive. I'm beyond thankful that I'll also have the opportunity to develop some skills and teach myself things that have been collecting dust on my bucket list for the last year or so. When I made up my mind, I thought I was doing it all for my family, but I was surprised at the amount of congratulations I got for following my dreams. I may have needed an excuse to finally make a big change, but I'd also like to think that I was finally ready to start putting my dreams first...